I don't usually write about something I haven't had for awhile, because as a record reviewer, I think I suck. But in this case, if I actually convince someone to find this record and buy it, I'd at least like to do it while you can get your grubby little mitts on it and the proceeds will still go to help singer Ken Janssen deal with his ALS because this country is too stupid to have free health care so a handful of people can be rich while the rest of us work more and more and have less and less. So right now this is the kind of thing you can easily order, but that will change because there's only so many of us that even know who The It*Men were.
So let's flash backwards to the early 2000's and Cleveland's music scene. The It*Men were one of those bands. I never saw them or really heard any of their music. We get to the middle/later half of the decade and I started seeing a band called The Hot Rails around. They seemed like really nice guys and said they were working on a cd. I actually bought it from them at a show at The Beachland where Ken actually worked, and if you bought the cd, he'd get you a free can of Pabst. I think it's the best three or four dollars I ever spent. The Hot Rails were terrific. They were over the top, pumping out a completely tongue-in-cheek version of Blue Oyster Cult, Thin Lizzy and The Ramones with more than a pinch of Teenage Boy.
I had heard that Ken was sick but I haven't been able to go to a show or anything to support a cool local guy on the scene, but then I was just looking at Cleveland bands and saw that this album was coming out. I thought it was only on cd, but Music Saves got me a vinyl copy when I ordered it, because they know I always go for vinyl when I have a choice (yet another reason to have a favorite record store!). So I've been digging Greatest Its for a couple of weeks, and I'm gonna say why it's great, right here.
Inside everybody (young or old, male or female) is a Teenage Boy. Your inner Teenage Boy is not easily satisfied and he demands you walk a thin, jagged and hypocritical line between sucking and getting it. He is demanding, immature, gets too wasted and wants people to look at him and leave him alone at the same time. He swears when he talks and he's pretty self absorbed. He also likes to Rock. So your inner Teenage Boy wants to hear some It*Men, and he wants to hear them loud and he wants to hear them now, and he wants to hear them all the time. Like when he's standing on the hood of a beater car doing air guitar with a Milwaukee's Best in his pick hand to the solo on Screw the Pooch. He doesn't care if he's too loud when he sings along to Baby, I'm Your Man and he not only doesn't care if the words that he sings along to are dumb, he doesn't even care if he sings them right. He's busy singing about his constant horniness in What's Up Action. Inner Teenage Boy is all about Rock, and so are The It*Men. Rock and Fun.
When your inner Teenage Boy is Rocking The Fuck Out, he sure doesn't care if the backing vocals are a little off when they attempt to harmonize. He only needs to focus on the part of the song that's the most fun at every second. Sometimes it's singing along to the chorus of Bowie Dick Test. The next two bars of the song may be more fun to air drum or guitar to. There's no reason to try to understand this as more than an expression of Rocking Out. I mean, this isn't The Talking Heads. It's not challenging. It's not some pretentious King Crimson album. Just look at the back cover, it's Ken Janssen's mic in one hand and a can of Pabst in the other. This is about having fun and living in the moment. This is about the screaming guitar solo on Doing Drugs for You.
I think my inner Teenage Boy knows that the quantifiable best song on this set is the positively epic Death Machine, which takes up all of side four. That's right. It's over twenty minutes long. Sure it's really only a four minute song, but how many Rock songs that are that long aren't really just some attempt at just Rocking Out without abandon. Can the solo's go back and forth without getting your Teenage Boy bored? Does the music get back to the riffs fast enough? The It*Men can do it. They've spent three sides introducing you to The Rock N' Roll. They're ready. They're willing. They're able to bring on a twenty minute blast that doesn't sound like some dud named Tray Pantyhose or whatever his name is. Think about it a minute. The It*Men are from Cleveland. Cleveland can be kind of bleak to an outsider, but I assure you - we are anything but bleak. Our politicians frustrate us. Our sports teams frustrate us. People on TV that have never been here joking about us frustrates us. Taking a ride on a Death Machine? I have no idea what that means. But I know it sounds like wah-wah pedals and huge riffs. It sounds like snare drums cracking and whammy bars. It sounds like the engine is a bass guitar and amplifier hum. It takes you there, and it takes you back, but when you get back you keep saying, "What?" because those amplifiers are still buzzing in your head.
It sounds like Rock N' Roll.
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